What is with me lately. I've been so horrible to be around. Yesterday I worked a long day. I was tired and my kids decided to share their cold with me, so I felt like crap. My husband was nice and finally did all the dishes and even put them away. See...I had shoulder surgery on March 18th, and I'm not supposed to do a lot of activites because of the way my arm moves (like dishes). Hubby doesn't mind doing them (I think), but when he does finally do them, it's a weeks worth and he ends up standing there for 45min to an hour. Then he pisses and moans at me because he was standing there so long. Like it's my fault. If he would just do them every night after dinner, there wouldn't be a problem.
The other thing that's irritating me is the fact that when I get home or the kids finally go to bed that we can have our time, he falls asleep. I'm not talk sex or anything, just time for us to spend talking or cuddling. And lately when he does it, he doesn't even say goodnight or give me a kiss. Am I just make a mountain out a mole hill? Why do these things bother me so much? They're just piddley little crap. Things that I should just let blow over, but I don't. Maybe there's something deeper that's going on. I wish I knew what it was! Sometimes I wonder if we should've even gotten married. We just don't get along. I mean...you're mixing an ADHD person with a CLINICAL DEPRESSED person. See what I'm getting at? Those 2 just don't mix.
At the same time, I'm still battleing the whole "baby" issue. I want another one. I want to feel needed by someone. I want to feel loved. I want someone that will let me hold them and cuddle or rock without them running away and goinig to do something else. Don't get me wrong. I love the 2 I have now, but I don't like them being so independent. My son is such a brat. We just found out he has a learning disability. Not quite sure what yet. They're going to do more "tests" later next month. Sometimes I want to just toss him and put him up for adoption. He just drives me up the wall. I can't handle him. My daugther on the other hand is great. She's such a love-bug, but she's starting to pickup on some of the things my son does. Maybe it's just the age. I liked it better when my kids were under 1yr and needed me more. I just don't feel needed and wanted anymore. I feel like I'm just in the way and here to "serve" everyone. I just wish I knew what to do. I don't know what I'm doing wrong to feel this way. I wonder if there's anything I can do to change it!?
posted by Me @ 9:49 AM
Comments: 0
