Crazy and Confused . . .

The unspoken conversation

What did I ever do to you?

Did I leave you when you needed me?

Did I disown you because of an incorrect decision made at one point?

Did I ignore you for 3 years and come back into your life just to turn around and disown you again?

Of course once you started your NEW family, I was invisible to you. Especially once you added little ones. Not 1, not 2 (unfortunately RA didn't make it past 8 months - God rest her tiny soul), not 3, not 4, but 5. Don't you think you're getting a little OLD for this. Especially since Z & G are older than their aunts & uncles?

Don't like the fact that I got pregnant before I got married at 19? BITE ME

Jealous because my son was born healthy and RA wasn't (not intended for it to sound nasty)? I'm sorry, but I have no control over that, so you need to let it go. It doesn't do any good to dwell on it.

Don't like that fact that I'm getting a divorce? FUCK OFF

Maybe if you would've been around more for me, Z & G you would know that my marriage wasn't all peach's 'n cream. Oh, but wait....you are to fucking busy with your NEW family, so I just don't exist to you anymore right? You've never had anything really to do with my upbringing. You were just there to make me and then pretty much just dump me and only wanted to deal with me when it was more convenient for you. Heaven forbid you have a new family and just disown the one you started 24 years ago.

It must be nice to live in a great house, in a great neighborhood and be able to stay home with your 4 kids while you're wife busts her ass to bring in money so you can pretty much just sit on yours.

I'm tired of all your religious bull-shit. Yeah, I believe in God, but you know what, I don't have to LIVE at church to go to heaven. There is a life outside of there that you're just not seeing anymore and unfortunately I'm part of that life and so are Z & G. You obviously don't care about me or them, because in the 5yrs that Z has been around, he doesn't even know who the hell you are. But you know what, that's not my problem. I believe it's for the better because then Z & G won't have to go through all the shit I had to go through with you.

I'm so fucking sorry I'm not the person you wanted me to be. GROW UP & GET OVER IT. No one is fucking perfect. This is the life I chose to live and if you don't like it, go disappear again, but this time......................


DON'T EVER COME BACK!!!!

posted by Me @ 9:13 PM Comments: 0

Life is good. I haven't really had any problems lately. Life's been so calm that I haven't had much to blog about. The divorce is being close to being over. FINALLY!!! Now that I got a lawyer, things are so calm. There's hardly any fights going on. If I would've know this, I would've got a lawyer a long time ago.

Work is ok. We're slowing down, so there's not much to keep us busy. I had to take the day off tomorrow so that I don't get stuck with overtime. They don't like us working overtime and since I have to cover for L for the next 3 days, I would've gotten like 6 hours of overtime. It feels nice to get a free day off and still have enough hours to get a decent paycheck.

The kittens are getting crazy. They're learning to run around. I now have 6 kittens running around my living room. They are so darn cute. They're starting to "fight" with each other now. It's adorable. If you sit by them for a good 30min, you spend the entire time laughing so hard because they are just hilarious. I'm getting ready for them to leave though. It's just too much for me. I can't believe they're already 1 month old. I only have another month to get through and then they'll have homes of their own. It's going to be hard to give them all up since they are so darn cute, but it has to be done.

posted by Me @ 8:19 PM Comments: 2

Question of the Day...

What would constitute a "perfect" evening for you?

I feel that a perfect evening would be a quiet house (meaning no kids) with my significant other. We would watch movies, talk, listen to music (possibly dance to some songs) and eat loads of junk food. I enjoy talking to T. Especially when I learn something new about him. It's always interesting to have a really long conversation with him and learn many new things. I always feel closer to him after we've had deep conversation. Of course, a perfect night would not be perfect without amazing, mind-blowing sex!! Am I right?

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I know I've been posting questions and quotes, but I haven't had much else to blog about yet. I figured I would at least keep my blog updated by posting quotes that touch me or questions that make me think. Tonights question was an easy one since I don't feel too well and didn't feel like thinking in depth. I love hearing other people's answers to these questions. Just keep in mind, there is no right or wrong answer.

Happy thinking!!

posted by Me @ 8:11 PM Comments: 1