Crazy and Confused . . .

Went to court today for the first time since this divorce started. What a waste of time. The 2 lawyers went and talked to the judge and came pack out and said that the trial will be rescheduled for January 18, 2006. Talk about bull-shit. I've been through enough hell the last 8 months, just to have to wait another 2.5 months. All because they want to try and convince my ex that he needs to get out of his mother's house and that once he does that, he won't be able to or won't want the kids as much as he thinks he does. The said part is, I starting to get the feeling that his lawyer is on my side. Talk about ironic. I just wish this was all over with. I've dealt with enough crap in the last 8 months. I can just imagine what's going to happen in the next 2.5 months. Why can't he just make up his fucking mind and agree already, because I've had enough of this stalling and dicking around. I am so done with this. I just want my life back and I want to know that my kids are going to live as normal of a life as possible. How much more crap am I going to have to put up with before everything is all said and done?

posted by Me @ 11:11 AM Comments: 4

You anger me to no end, but I know that eventually, every ounce of hurt and pain you have caused me will come back and bite you in the ass!!

If only you knew that everything you have done was just to ruin everything you've worked for.

If only you could make decisions on your own instead of letting others influence them.

If you would've just been there when you were actually needed instead of shoving everyone away, things wouldn't been unraveling around you as we speak.

If you would've proven yourself to be a important person in their life, you wouldn't be fighting for what your about to lose.

If only....

Now that I have that out of my system, on to other things. My stepmom is currently in the hospital undergoing radiation and chemo for a brain tumor. It's so bad I guess that she can't even remember that she has 4 kids at home waiting for her. One of which she just gave birth to 7wks ago. This is really hard on my dad. He's spending every waking moment with her and he said it's difficult because if he steps out for just a moment and comes back in, she doesn't even know who he is.

I guess everything started while she was pregnant. She was having a lot of problems, but they were saying that they were due to the pregnancy. When the problems continued after delivery, they did an MRI and found that she has a tumor at the base of her brain. It's inoperable since it's located where all her life functions are. They had a really hard time getting her stabilized medically in order for them to even think about starting radiation or chemo. They finally stared both procedures just recently and I guess she's been in the hospital for a few weeks already. They're trying to get her well enough to get her home so she can continue treatment from there.

Family and friends are being a big help though. Everyone's pitching in where they can. I finally get to spend some time with my brother's and sister's on Friday. N is 7rys old. J is 4yrs old. S turns 3 tomorrow and H is 7 wks. I haven't seen any of them in a really long time. They don't even know that they have a big sister around since I'm from Dad's first marriage 24yrs ago. That marriage lasted about 3yrs and then Mom and Dad went there separate ways. Dad got remarried about 13yrs ago (I think it's been that long) and started having kids right around the time I turned 18. It's weird to have siblings that are as old as and younger then my 2. But, like I said, I finally get to spend some quality time with them and I'm hoping that doing this will make my Dad realize that he wants me back in his life and theirs. I'm looking forward to Friday. I hope the kids have a lot of fun and we can all get to know each other better.

posted by Me @ 7:20 PM Comments: 0